I was walking behind a son and father who were talking about a movie about a well known African American who was still successful despite experiencing repeated violent racism for years. The son asked, "Did all that stuff really happen?" The father said, "I don't know." I wanted to say, yes that happened and many more examples that the movie did not cover. I did not because I wasn't part of the conversation and I did not want to be dubbed the stereotypical angry Black person. Later, I decided … [Read more...]
“Helpful” at Whole Foods
I was sitting outside of the Whole Foods with a friend and my daughter. We were enjoying our lunch, laughing and connecting. As we were near the end of the meal, we were approached by a white woman wanting to let us know that the seats were for lunch, it was crowded and not a space for "hanging out". … [Read more...]
Caution
I was pulling into my driveway when I saw my new neighbor coming back from running and I waved at him. His family is the only African American family on my street. He stopped on the street and as I got out of my van, he introduced himself, as did I. As we carried on talking, telling me as little bit about himself, he continued to stand in the street at the end of my driveway. We were having a friendly, genuine conversation. Then he took a step onto my driveway, and then took a step back, and … [Read more...]
No follow-up
Our school staff were assigned to read The Little Book of Restorative Justice in Education last year. Unfortunately, there were no students physically in school, so there were no opportunities to practice the lessons. There has been no follow-up this year. This lack of follow-up feels all too familiar. Our School Improvement Plan has African American Students as the focus group for Improving School Quality. "Relationship building" is the focus action. But without instruction to staff, there is … [Read more...]
the Presence of an Accent?
Does the Presence of an Accent mean the Lack of Intelligence in HoCo? A couple of months ago, my mother and I went to the doctor's office, and once the receptionist heard the accented words leave my mother's mouth to announce that she was here for her appointment, she immediately got irritated and repeated that she could not understand my mother at all. It continued like that for about a minute until my mom asked me to repeat what she had said. I could see that my mother was struggling and … [Read more...]
Everyone Shops
I recall a time at the grocery store when an individual was given a hard time at the self check out, “too many items”. I have never heard of such at the self check out. After the two argued the individual stated that “you people never follow the rules”. This caused a huge uproar in the store and everyone was uneasy about it. It is unfortunate that stereotypes still exist and blank statements are only able to be said because of the perpetuation of such. … [Read more...]
Spotted While Driving
I sat in Starbucks in Columbia with a work associate and noted how heavily policed the area was, with sirens constantly going by in the Oakland Mills area. Within five minutes of leaving, still new to the area, I was pulled over also. I had been holding my phone in my hand to view my gps more closely and then a call came in. I greeted the caller and the sirens went off. While the officer was talking to me, a white man who I estimated to be in his 60s was walking down the street. He started … [Read more...]
Undesign the Redline & 1619 Project
I would say giving tours for the Undesign the Redline tours has given me the most hope as far as improving race relations in Howard County. I was also encouraged about hearing that Nicole Hannah Jones, author of the 1619 Project was part of the Busboys and Poets opening and the Books in Bloom festival earlier this month. … [Read more...]
Being followed in a store
Wandering through B&N and noticed staff following me. Didn't think much of it, other than they must have known I worked for their rival. It didn't hit me until afterwards, they were following me since I was the only non-white person in the store. … [Read more...]
Implicit Bias
someone told me to be careful about certain Black neighbors across the street because they let their dog outside with a leash (and I have a dog that I walk around there often). They went on to talk about how they've heard from other neighbors that this household is very loud and disruptive. As I heard this, I thought about the impact of implicit bias on the way this information was delivered through the chain of people. I think this is an example of white people who are in favor of racial … [Read more...]
HoCo is a Utopia for White People
HoCo is updating its General Plan. I have participated in several online Design workshops regarding the updates. I noticed that none of the illustrations used by the DPZ included non-white people. There were plenty of images of people enjoying the outdoor amenities, eating in outdoor restaurants, etc. In the post workshop survey, I commented about this, and how it is giving the impression that there are no black, brown, or Asian people in HoCo, nor are they welcome. Visibility is vital. … [Read more...]
limiting college choices
My daughter's top choice for a college to attend was somewhat selective, private college with a high tuition cost which we had determined was within reach both in terms of her academic record and our budget for her college education. Her white, female guidance counselor insisted repeatedly that she needed to go to HCC instead of her top choice. When I questioned her about it, her only explanation was that that was the route her family had chosen for her children and therefore it should be a good … [Read more...]
Sharing and listening
Our pastor seemed to change his attitude about the need to address race relations explicitly in church when African Americans in the congregation shared their feelings of woundedness … [Read more...]
Neighborhood revitalization
I was recently dismayed at a meeting with members of my community opposed to a new apartment complex in our neighborhood. People testified against it by saying “you know how apartment people are”. I interpreted this as a racist comment and opposed to my strong views of why Columbia was developed and why we chose it as a place to live no raise our children. … [Read more...]
Discrimination & Racism against Hispanics/Latinos
I have experienced that for being hispanic/Latino in the community it's sometimes hard. Why? Because we've been discriminated or faced racism for our color and the way we talk, the way we dress. This shouldn't be the way to be treated. Everyone should be treated the same and no different. … [Read more...]
Coming Together for a Good Cause
I attended the ribbon cutting of the library equity collection and was impressed both by the contents of the collection and by the representation of groups that attended the ceremony. … [Read more...]
Knocking on Doors for the US Census
I am a white woman who worked for the US Census part-time for 4 weeks in the summer of 2020, going door to door to collect census data from folks who had not yet responded to the census. My experience was that white people were more willing to talk with me than people of color (POC.) It also seemed to me that white people were more comfortable and trusting of the federal govt than POC. It seems to me that there is typically less trust between whites and POC in Howard County. … [Read more...]
Harriet Tubman Building
I heard about an act of vandalism that occurred at the Harriet Tubman Building, and it was noted that it appeared to be a deliberately targeted act with racism as the motivator. I learned for the first time about the existence of this enterprise, and it struck me as how out of the ordinary it must be for someone to go out of their way in a planned and determined way to take this action. … [Read more...]
Being Asian in America
This incident happened during the start of the pandemic. It is something that shocked me to my core, something that, made me reevaluate my opinions of howard county and its community. This event happened to me. I was shopping at the grocery store, trying to pick up something for me and my family that night. As I was at the hot bar for the store looking at the selection, I was approached by a man. He saw me and saw that I was looking at buying some chicken and leans in and says. "You know they … [Read more...]
20+ years later, high school experience is still the same.
At a recent Howard County Board of Education meeting, a student provided testimony about his experience with racism/discrimination. He rattled off a list of Instagram pages that detail the racist and discriminatory experiences students have experienced in Howard County (ex. antiracisthoco). He asked when will it stop; when will his brother come home and not have to say that someone asked him if he had covid or ate bats. Hearing this made me feel profoundly sad as his experiences seemed so … [Read more...]
Enough is Enough
In my neighborhood, a few months ago a white neighbor's home was vandalized. Without any evidence, the white neighbor accused another neighbor's son, who was black, of the incident. My black neighbor was very upset because there was no evidence for this accusation. After a few weeks of investigation, it was found that it was someone from outside. Some of us in the neighborhood approached the white neighbor and asked her reasons. According to her someone told her it was a couple of black … [Read more...]
Triggering
During a meeting a white woman leaned over to a Black acquaintance telling her "I just have to say I am so impressed by how articulate you are." … [Read more...]
Asian communities in time of COVID
All of the problems faced by our Asian communities recently have been very troubling - vandalism, hate speech, etc. … [Read more...]
Not My HOA
My community was experiencing some conflicts between a renter and an owner that live in townhomes built directly across from one another. The Renter was a Black Woman with a child and the Owner was a White Man and his family of 4. The Owner took issues with things they observed going on in or around the renter's home involving police and also gripes about parking issues. The Renter complained that she was constantly being racially harassed by the Owner. She claimed she had been … [Read more...]
Missing pieces
Every year, local community based Chinese language schools will host lunar new year festivals. The community members are invited to celebrate together. Due to pandemic, the events were canceled 2 years in a row. Hopefully, people can get together and celebrate and share their culture in person soon. … [Read more...]
Bullying on the School Bus
As we have moved back to in-person learning in the public school system, my daughter (Hispanic) had been picked on by another girl. An older girl on the bus, African-American, comforted my daughter, as she had been crying because of the incident. Later, the girl that comforted my daughter talked to me about the experience and how she helped. Later, I saw the girl's mother at the bus stop and complimented her on how kind her daughter had been to my kindergartner. I'm not sure if this illustrates … [Read more...]
Fear of Differences
Someone of mixed race was accused of bringing COVID to the US, even though this person has never been outside of the US. … [Read more...]
Kids
There was a huge stir in our neighborhood about thievery from 'youths' that would hang out in the park and wilderness area. These 'youths' might have stolen a bike from someone, and may have been responsible for burglarizing a neighbor's house in the recent past, but there was no proof whatsoever of any of these suspicions. At the time, I walked through this park area on my way to and from work on a regular basis. I finally managed to meet these some kids there, all young teenage boys of color. … [Read more...]
Words misinterpreted!
I had a customer highly upset that someone in the Branch asked, "Where are you from?" The customer was upset since she is of mixed race, and thought it was inappropriate for anyone to ask her that question. After speaking to the customer and speaking to the staff member, I contacted the customer back and let her know what the employee was really asking--was she from Howard County or from another County (wanted to know where people were coming from for her class), not asking about her race. I … [Read more...]
Undocumented
I have been very disheartened to hear about the effort by some in Howard County to overturn the County bill passed that County police not ask people about their status (documented/undocumented). People collecting signatures for a ballot initiative to overturn the law were not truthful in telling people the reason for the petition. I have heard that the question will be on the ballot and people may be uninformed and overturn the bill. It's very sad how people view undocumented people. … [Read more...]
Racism Fatigue
Conversations have continued vigorously on the subject of racism and anti-racism. That is progress, but with that progress I have experienced what I would term "racism fatigue". I hear comments such as, "I'm tired of talking about racism and white privilege,", etc. These are good people voicing these sentiments: friends, colleagues, family. I think the weariness comes from, after becoming aware of white privilege and racism, what then? What can we do? As individuals, as community leaders, as … [Read more...]
Social Media/White Privilege
I was sent a social media post reacting to the HCPSS high school lesson on white privilege. First came the “what grade level is this?” and “why wasn’t this optional”/”why weren’t parents told?” comments which didn’t really take root. Then the inevitable “white privilege isn’t real” comment was made, eliciting 50+ replies. However, more than half of the replies were people trying to convince the poster that white privilege is real. The initial responses had a “I can’t believe you think white … [Read more...]
Flower of Hope
When the incident in Atlanta occurred and there were subsequent micro and macro-hateful acts against Asians, my next door neighbor stopped by with a pot of orchid and a lovely card saying that she is there for us. … [Read more...]
Rude for no Reason
Recently I was shopping and there was a young African American man in the store who was shelving items. I was near him and overheard a conversation between him and a white woman. She was rude, condescending, and dismissive of him despite seeking his help to find a product. I saw her a few aisles later laughing with a white store employee. … [Read more...]
Been to China recently?
In March of 2020, I had to go to urgent care for my son. During check-in, the nurse said, "I am sorry, but I have to ask this question: have you or your son been to China recently?" Although we are of Asian descent, I did not take offense to the question, and understood the reasoning for the question. I was encouraged at the empathy the nurse felt towards us in having to ask the question. … [Read more...]
Need Better Communication
I sat in on a Racial Equity Task Force meeting, where I heard one speaker's testimony that was very troubling and misinformed, which targeted one specific ethnicity in Howard County. The backlash to that testimony was very aggressive but no solution or communication was reached. This was indicative to me of the work and communication that is still yet to be achieved. … [Read more...]
Journey worth Taking
As I was facilitating a session on equity-centered leadership, one of the elder participants stated that he felt that my work would be difficult, particularly during this contentious and divided time in America. He did not have the same position and because Howard County is a purple county, the work will be difficult and unwelcomed. … [Read more...]
Kids growing in culturally diverse schooling
My grandson is 8. He is half Korean, half white, but looks totally white. He attends elementary school here in Columbia, a school which is half African-American and only 20% white. All his best friends from pre-K to grade 2 have been black. A year or two ago, he told me that when he grows up he wants to be black. We had to explain that that is not possible. I love seeing him playing with his friends and learning about people and cultures different from ours. This gives me hope that children here … [Read more...]
Inclusion Empathy and Understanding
A Howard County citizen heads up a group that teaches kids and teens how to treat other kids, teens and adults using inclusion, empathy and with understanding. The kids and teens are practicing these ideas by inviting into their circle of friends other children and teens who they might not practice their own cultural practices. This is the start of uniting people and getting to know each other on a one to one basis. … [Read more...]
Grow Together
I am currently participating in a "Grow Together" program as a part of an equity collaborative here in Howard County. The partnership is between Equity4HC and The Chinese School. … [Read more...]
Traffic Watch
Since hearing a Race Equity Collaborative colleague tell of his son being followed by police here in HoCo, I started watching during my short, pandemic-range drives to see who I saw stopped by the cops. Only once did a see a white person stopped. All the other stops (<10) were people of color. I'm not at all convinced this relates to minding the driving rules. Certainly not speed-related driving rules. I've seen plenty of white males whizzing past me at excessive speeds, ignoring stop signs, … [Read more...]
AAPI Stereotypes
I was born and raised in Howard County. I'm half Filipino and half white. Growing up, I experienced extreme fetishism and microaggressions on a daily basis. I was bullied so bad that my Filipino mother couldn't drop us off at school or the bus stop anymore. I graduated from Glenelg high school in 2015, and there I was told by male students that they've always wanted to "f*ck an exotic". They would call me oriental. I had friends tell me that I was "white enough to be their friend, but … [Read more...]
Don’t Assume
On a phone conversation making a purchase. Company located in Elkridge. When I gave my name to complete the sale - the representative said, " Wow you're English is great? Where are you from? I said my English should be great - I've been speaking this language all my life. … [Read more...]
Gate keepers
People who run boards and other leadership spaces want to keep them the same- same white community members who make decisions for our entire (diverse) community. Diversity is given lip service, but the gate-keepers are real. … [Read more...]
School Equity
It was disturbing to see the serious opposition to school equity plan. last year. Especially here, in Columbia, which was supposed to be founded on equality. … [Read more...]
Placing Blame Instead of Taking Responsibility
I was recently on an email thread about CA/village elections. There are currently no people of color of on the Board. The exchange started with someone raising the need to get people of color elected to the Board, and unfortunately the responses were defensive and blamed people of color for not being more involved in village boards rather than recognizing that we have a system which is clearly not inclusive. … [Read more...]
Small Changes Make a Difference
At first I was a little hesitant to choose this prompt, because HoCo is known for being progressive. But then I began ticking off recent events: the caller into a town hall who disparaged immigrants, the vandalism of the GMS sign, the property damage at local restaurants over the Chinese New Year holiday. I began to realize there are more instances of "things that have to change" than I would like to admit in the county. … [Read more...]
Affirmative Action and safety
During a church related zoom meeting, a mature, white, female made the statement (which was off topic): "I don't know why they insist that women and black people have to be hired as pilots. The best candidates should be chosen, regardless of who they are." I wanted to ask her if she felt that safety had been compromised because of affirmative action, but it was not the topic of the meeting, and since it was zoom, there was no usual break time to chat. I am frustrated that I'll have to wait until … [Read more...]
Immigrant Rights
During the Trump administration, I got into a discussion with several neighbors regarding immigration. One neighbor stated that " if people don't want to become citizens they should go back to their country." I thought this statement was very naive and insensitive. At the time this statement was made - one of my neighbors, who was sharing in the conversation, had been waiting for more than 18 months to get approval for citizenship status. This led to a debate of history, culture and rights. More … [Read more...]
How “United” Are We Really?
Ever since the school redistricting process started here in Howard County a few years ago, there are community members who are very vocal online, specifically on a "United" Facebook group. I taught in an elementary school in an "affluent" area. Parents had their children go to a private school rather than go to the "not so affluent" school their children were being redistricted to. One parent wrote "My child will not be going to school with those children, it is a bad school!" Who are "those" … [Read more...]
Shopping
When shopping at Wegman's, after using restroom I mistakenly left the store with the wrong cart. I discovered the mistake when I arrived at my car. Immediately returned to the store to find a clerk (Black) with the customer (White) whose cart I had taken, only to be asked had I taken any of his items. Even though the cart I had left in the store had 3 times as many groceries. Understanding that the other cart owner was not joking, I responded certainly not and left with my cart with the clerk … [Read more...]
Social Media Flames
A recent social media posting about a HCPSS assignment about white privilege brought out tremendous response - anger, defensiveness, and snark from many white participants, but also attempts by both white and black individuals to educate and offer different perspectives. Emotions were high and nobody seemed to walk away with a different point of view. … [Read more...]
Opportunity to Read and Understand
Recently asked to create an AAPI booklist appropriate for k-12 students for members of the AAPI task force. Back & forth process of communicating with members of AAPI task force members and the recognition that this needs to be an ongoing process gives me hope for being able to promote and connect Ho Co children & teens with materials to broaden understanding of the experiences of the AAPI community gives me hope. … [Read more...]
Hate and Bias in Education
My daughter (8) wore Bantu knots into elementary school. She was ridiculed for having her hair in a culturally appropriate, but uncommon, hairstyle. Within this same school, she has received requests to touch her hair throughout her different hairstyles including natural and braided. Recently she has asked me to straighten her hair (in order to fit in better and be more accepted). … [Read more...]
Race and Disability
I work with individuals with autism and families...all too often children who are black and brown are diagnosed and receiving services much later than while children by a few years. Behaviors are identified instead of considering underlying disability. … [Read more...]
Sharing Treats
Last week my son and his friends were talking about foods - everything from what kind of ramen noodles to buy at H-Mart to what kind of chocolate to use when making chocolate chip cookies. Then they decided to share with each other. Four of them dropped off at each other's houses a treat. What struck me is how interested they were in each other's cultures/traditions. One Pakistani Muslim family, one Korean family, one white family, and one Chinese family. That's what I like about Howard County- … [Read more...]
Anti-Asian Sentiment?
Someone I know (of Asian Descent) was at a Grocery Store in Howard County. They were minding their own business when all of a sudden, a man (of Caucasian descent) pushed his cart and began cursing at them (not sure what prompted this) we are not sure if this is related to the current wave of anti-Asian sentiment … [Read more...]
Love Thy Neighbor
I am African American. For the past year, we have been at home due to the pandemic. During this time, I have done a great deal of walking around the neighborhood with my daughters. I have noticed that at the beginning of the pandemic, people (white) were more neighborly and I started to get a sense that we were all in this together and after the Black Lives Matter movement, things were going in the right direction. As the year has gone on, I have watched my neighbors return to their old ways of … [Read more...]
Restaurant reported racist attacks
A restaurant in my community was the target of racist attacks a few months back. Some people had scrawled racist epithets on the outside of the store. One of the owners of the restaurant - an Indian American man - was also yelled at and told to go back where he came from. … [Read more...]
Too Close for COVID
I'm a Black woman, and I used the large pool in Columbia during Covid. My observation at the pool was that most folks were happy to follow the new Covid protocols - no matter what race. There were a few occasions, however, when a pool patron was unwilling to follow the rules. I noticed that when a person of color was around the pool and their mask was on improperly (or not at all) - there was swift action from the pool staff to ask them to either put the mask on or pull the mask up. I also … [Read more...]
Empathy and Worship?
My indigenous friends experienced racism from Howard County police last year. It was very traumatic. The wife bravely shared this experience in a church setting as an example of when prayer helped her. A former police officer in the group stuck up for the police and denied there being any racism in the situation. I tried to meet up with this person later to hear her side and perhaps convince her to be more empathetic towards the indigenous person. She refused and shared a lot more racist … [Read more...]
Feeling Seen
[Name] and I serve on a local Howard County board together. She is Filipina and I am a Black woman. We are Facebook friends and I noticed how she was very vocal about her support of Black Lives Matter, and I appreciated that. I felt seen. When the Anti-Asian hate was making the news, I reached out to her and showed my support. We have since grown deeper in our friendship and sisterhood. … [Read more...]
Neighbors and Strangers
This is not really a story but more a reflection of my observations in my own neighborhood. I live in a townhouse community of about 95 homes. In my cul-de-sac there are about 15 houses. We have quite a diverse population within the cul-de-sac. We have African-American neighbors, Asian neighbors, Jewish neighbors. What is frustrating is that we seem to live in separate worlds. We are neighborly and acknowledge each other but we don't seem to mix when it comes to our social events within the … [Read more...]
Starting the conversation
My 10-year-old niece, who is white (as am I), was telling me a story of something that happened to her, and referred to someone in the story as "a man who had dark skin." I waited until she was done, and then asked her why she referred to that man as having dark skin instead of just saying that he was black. She said that she felt bad referring to someone as black, because she didn't want anyone to think she was racist. She also wasn't sure if he was African-American, and Islander, etc., and … [Read more...]
Two different worlds
The pandemic brought the moment of "things have got to change". The xenophobia triggered by "China virus" or "Chinese virus" and all kinds of conspiracy theories caused collateral damages on the Asian American communities. Many anti-Asian American incidents happened across the country. I feel a new version of Chinese exclusion law coming up. That is very crazy. However, at the local community, I have so many friendly neighbors and friends of different ethnic backgrounds. It is very difficult for … [Read more...]
Racist Lens
Narratives and dynamics repeated in the county frequently imply that people in need in the county are Black and Latino. When I saw the diversity of people collecting food at a recent distribution it made me realize that I'd internalized some of that rhetoric. Even during a pandemic and related contraction of jobs I'm ashamed to say I was surprised by the full diversity of people coming to receive food. I've since wondered about our social services - I don't think that we're doing enough to help … [Read more...]
Another story
Another story: I Don't Tell People I'm Chinese Anymore As the rates of Asian American hate crime cases started going up, and I witnessed how my community members were reacting to it, several Asian Based shops got vandalized. My dad sat me and my little brother down and told us not to tell people I'm Chinese anymore, as if we already didn't know that. … [Read more...]
Racist Mail
Our neighborhood received racist mail. A sticker was placed on old magazines and flyers that promoted interracial distancing due to COVID, and the flyers were distributed in driveways. There is no place in Howard county for this type of hate and ignorance. … [Read more...]
Change Is Needed
At first I was a little hesitant to choose this prompt, because HoCo is known for being progressive. But then I began ticking off recent events: the caller into a town hall who disparaged immigrants, the vandalism of the GMS sign, the property damage at local restaurants over the Chinese New Year holiday. I began to realize there are more instances of "things that have to change" than I would like to admit in the county. … [Read more...]
Community Cleanup
I recently worked a community clean up event. In the past, cleanup events consists primarily of white individuals, with very low numbers of minority and/or black and brown community members. This event, however, was a major improvement. There were families from various ethnic backgrounds coming together to clean and beautiful the community. … [Read more...]
Hope for change
Neighbors and colleagues who, in the past, would have avoided acknowledging or discussing racism, microagressions, and their existence in Howard County - either because of discomfort or denial - are now engaging in these discussions. I find this encouraging because we can only begin to address these if we admit that it is happening here. … [Read more...]
Embrace Languages
"It's so immensely frustrating when I hear customers/employees/random passerby say, "They should speak English, this is America." I've seen it when caregivers speak to their little ones in other languages (Korean, Spanish, Polish, etc), translating books in real-time. It frustrates me because that person reading out loud to their child already knows people are saying just that, but they want to provide their child a space to learn another language, and give them the same experience everyone in … [Read more...]
Running Buddies
For the past 6 years I've been a part of a morning exercise group. We all come from many racial and ethnic backgrounds and three times a week we meet up at 6am, work out, and and encourage each other to get stronger and better. This feels to my like what Howard County is meant to be like. … [Read more...]
AAPI
Stop AAPI hate rally After the horrific incidents of AAPI hate around the country and in Howard County, I was heartened by the way a range of groups, representing a wide set of racial and religious communities, came together quickly to organize a rally to be in solidarity with the AAPI community here. This action reminded me of how Howard County came together in response to Black Lives Matter, the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting, and other events. In all of those incidents, I felt a greater … [Read more...]
